shoot to thrill

2009-09-26T01:34:00.001+08:00

a way in which i feel you
it’s like i’m growing older
with and within you
and without you is a drawer
of backmasked tapes

i won't post a picture for this one

2009-09-17T19:33:00.002+08:00

because it's a shame how this person doesn't know how goddamn beautiful she is.

2 rights make a wrong, or vice versa

2009-07-27T20:22:00.002+08:00

people make mistakes,
i made a really bad one last week.

what have you been doing?

you know how the dharma incident fucked up everyone's lives in LOST? well. this is my dharma incident. this is god's way of telling me that smooth sailing is not for me. this is a great, big disaster that's going to change my course of travel. or maybe, time will tell.

that the good lord had a reason

2009-07-27T00:33:00.001+08:00

the constant being a god
the god of everything
the god of everythin(kin)g thing
the kin being your enemy, your friend
who carries me away
to the sound of pounding rain.

that the good lord had a reason
for the season to be this.

sharpen your teeth, sink into me.

2009-07-12T01:57:00.001+08:00

i haven't been taking interest in anything lately,
but you fascinate me.

god loves his children

2009-06-23T22:04:00.002+08:00

i wish i had a spare gland for weather prediction.

a quest to save the mac

2009-06-21T16:12:00.001+08:00

hello, friends.

as some of you know, my mac was stolen last june 16, 2009 in mcdonalds katipunan, around 4:00-ish pm. a friend and i were having decent conversation in the patio area, which is also a walkway and hotspot for tambays. i left my bag open for a while but it was beside me. we never went in to get some water or go to the bathroom - but the next thing i knew, it was gone.

please, please help me find it. the serial number is W87447KCZ64. if you, or a friend of yours is buying a 2nd-hand black macbook, please cross-reference through this serial number for security, and do not hesitate to contact me at marvin.sayson@gmail.com.

another way of helping would be reposting this announcement on facebook, livejournal, blogspot, etc etc. PLEASE, PLEASE DO! salamat!

my mac was a black beauty. it had some weird silicon stains on the palm rests beside the trackpad, probably from the silicon keyboard protector. i'll know it when i see it.

peace, love, and empathy
marb

when you were young:

2009-06-19T00:27:00.002+08:00

at my grandparents' wedding. yup, to the left is macoy.

he never had a name.

2009-06-17T23:38:00.001+08:00

bye, buddy. i'm fucking miss you.

i'm so devastated.

look at what i discovered!

2009-06-10T00:41:00.001+08:00

no pressure over cappucino

2009-06-08T21:17:00.002+08:00

more @ touchingtongues

while i was hardcore-editing photos, i noticed how the submarines sound like singing sunday school teachers. which is actually a good thing because they can be followed easily.

drip - swanker (fuck me underwater remix)

2009-06-08T14:24:00.002+08:00

Swanker (Fuck Me Underwater Remix) by marvinsayson
image from "across the universe."

wtf, hot stuff.

2009-06-07T19:16:00.002+08:00

now i know why i find her so hot - because she played queen amidala's decoy in the phantom menace. you know, aside from the fact that she's probably the cutest pirate every time she screams.

i watched so many movies this week. i'll probably write about them later.

el scorcho and the new semester

2009-06-04T16:49:00.004+08:00

hi, hello. i have been taking a break from everything. and while resting from responsibility, i had the chance to watch the whole indiana jones saga all over again. it's amazing how things always turn out for him in the end. i mean, there always has to be some kind of divine intervention to save his ass from damnation. the funny thing is, heroes are the luckiest people on earth. "epal" villains, on the other hand, (for example, the !soldiers! of a !general!), are the easiest ones to kill. it seemed to me as if it doesn't matter what they do to the heroes - but it matters what the heroes do to them. that's just unfair. but then again, it's indiana jones. i have one question though - if he and his father drank from the holy grail, why is it that they did not acquire eternal life?

i also got to watch 2/3 of the red curtain tragedies by baz luhrmann. that guy's just amazing. i know it would be unfair to make this analogy since i have no experience in this department of extreme living, but i'd have to say, luhrmann's movies are directed like rollercoasters. they're fast paced and you're always anticipating the next eye-candy. which is actually fun to watch because he's weird and experimental in his own right, which makes baz luhrmann films baz luhrmann.

i didn't sleep last night waiting for enlistment. i watched breakfast club and back to the future 2, and the scrubs finale. scrubs finale emphasized very much the rule that if you know how to start something, you have to know how to end it. bill lawrence did such an amazing job, and so did the whole cast. the blanks singing "i'm no superman" plus the behind the scenes footages were very sentimental. it was an ace finale. although i'm kind of disappointed because brendan fraiser's character didn't show up, his was one of my favorite supporting roles.

he doesn't look a thing like jesus

2009-05-31T01:43:00.003+08:00

all it took was one night for me to believe that there is hope for many things. i can still feel my ears ringing and my lungs burning from all the passion in the music.

like what brandon boyd said, "kudos to those who see through sickness." i think the only time i can be read like an open book is when i'm on stage. i'm emotionally crippled when i'm not playing music, but when i'm in the moment, when i surrender myself to that earfuck... that's it. that's just it. no more words. my stories are transposed into notes and measures, bars and chords, the backbeat, the rhythm, and the lead, and everything goes away like giant exodus.

i'm a vulnerable savior when i'm on stage.

i wish we had you by our side.

2009-05-26T01:14:00.002+08:00

"it's sad to think what the state of rock and roll will be 20 years from now. it just seems like when rock and roll's dead the whole world can explode. and it's already so re-hashed and so plagiarized that it's barely alive now, you know. it's disgusting. i mean, kids don't really care about rock and roll as much as they used to... it's all turned into nothing but a fashion statement and an identity for kids to use, as a tool for them to fuck and have a social life. and at that point, i can't really can't see music's importance to a teenager."
-kurt cobain (from "about a son")

the bonnie situation

2009-05-25T23:07:00.004+08:00

in the height of the philosophical age of mankind, all the intellectuals came up with their own ways of explaining what life is. descartes claimed that "i think, therefore, i am" was the best approach to living; while some declared otherwise. my favorite philosopher is albert camus, because he's the one who asked: "why not commit suicide?"

the myth of sisyphus was about a demi-god who once dreamed so hard that he believed that he can outwit olympus' finest. too bad they found out about sisyphus, and punished his ass by making him carry a boulder for his whole life.

sadly, my answer to camus' question is that if i did take my life away it would be something i would end up regretting, therefore enlisting myself into this vicious cycle.

i've been trying so hard to make this work - staying silent and keeping still until provoked, and when that happens, always think before acting. but things just won't fucking work. people might think i never learned from my mistakes, but i actually did. i learned a lot. i've been staying out of trouble as much as i can and rising above the occasion only when needed. i shut my mouth when i'm not needed. it just so happens that sometimes, people do get angry and tend to overreact in a situation. but that's the angry person's problem already - not anyone else's.

i could be irrational, angry, impulsive, and self-centered. but i could also be kind-hearted, lovely, empathic, and peaceful. that's what people can't see. usually i'm just some stupid kid with a loud mouth, always shooting himself in the foot. if i had a dime for every situation that i've made awkward or worsened, i think i can buy heaven with that kind of wealth. and if i had a dime for every time i was seen as the zany old me, i'd be fucking dirt poor.

i'm close to giving up, maybe just one more squall and i'm good to go. nobody can take my word for anything anymore. i have trust issues. i'm stuck in this downward spiral.

dear jesus, you and your mighty angels know.

"there's a passage i got memorized. ezekiel 25:17. 'the path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the vally of darkness. for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. and i will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who atempt to poison and destroy my brothers. and you will know i am the lord when i lay my vengeance upon you.' i been sayin' that shit for years. and if you ever heard it, it meant your ass. i never really questioned what it meant. i thought it was just a coldblooded thing to say to a motherfucker 'fore you popped a cap in his ass. but i saw some shit this mornin' that made me think twice. now im thinkin', it could mean that you're the evil man. and i'm the righteous man. and mr. .45 here he's the shepherd protecting my righteous ass in the valley of darkness. or it could be you're the righteous man and i'm the shepherd and it's the world that's evil and selfish. i'd like that. but that shit ain't the truth. the truth is you're weak. and i'm the tyranny of evil men. but i'm tryin'. i'm tryin' real hard to be a shepherd."
-pulp fiction

sometimes, i think:

2009-05-24T22:13:00.002+08:00

every inch that the year breathes through its life is a disaster, and a chance for me to escape. the year is soon to end. i'm running out of exits and excuses to stay.

san bernardino line

2009-05-21T22:27:00.001+08:00

this is the last train going west
i'm sitting next to memories haunting me.
the lights are flashing from downtown,
they say in whispers, forget about her.

a businessman is running fast
he thought he'd miss the train and sleep alone
the lawyer right behind my back:
she's trying to justify a forgery.

love is in the air
but it's always equated with a loss.
so where do you sit in this train?
beside the lovers,
or beside the ones in pain?

you see them slowly standing up
as we approach the stop for hollywood
there's a show tonight in vine
the lights from downtown pave the way.

the season basks in the interior
it comforts stories from our souls
this is the moment when i realize -
that there's a god above that guides the lights.

2009-05-18T03:28:00.000+08:00

whatever the hell happened to us.

picturesque distress

2009-05-17T11:27:00.002+08:00

i've had it with you,
and mexico can fucking wait.
-rilo kiley

so i can walk away

2009-05-16T01:01:00.003+08:00

may be unrelated, but surgery's new song "so i can walk away" is now available here. it's the first song ysa wrote for our band, and she did nothing short of an awesome job at it.

surgery is playing on tuesday, may 19 2009, at mag:net katipunan, along with gasulina and other bands.

the things we don't hear

2009-05-15T10:21:00.003+08:00

you said your vows and you closed the door
on so many men that would've loved you more.

-death cab for cutie

Cath...

it makes me wonder about the people around me. are these people settling for what they have, or would they go beyond their comforts and do something like this to prove a point? i really love this song because it talks about unspoken things.

tattooed memories

2009-05-15T09:45:00.003+08:00

when you wrote i used to get so turned on,
because your every word
felt like a clandestine affair with angels and demons

(photo: The Hours)

san dimas high school football rules!

2009-05-13T09:50:00.002+08:00

nothing could go wrong anytime that i'm with you.
like crashing a hotel room or leading up to that first kiss
or searching for a high school that you know doesn't exist
-the ataris

your kisses were tiny curses.

2009-05-13T00:00:00.004+08:00

it frustrates me more than anything that i can't swear that this will be the last song (about you).

and you don't even face the goddamn music.

+

pisces

2009-05-03T16:02:00.002+08:00

seaworld san diego '09.

could be my last photoblog post for this summer's LA trip because i'm going home in about three days. i have mixed feelings about it, but the fishies and the other animals made me happy today.

pacman: "i'm just doing my job in the ring."

2009-05-03T12:23:00.003+08:00

this, my friends, is BUSINESS TIME. k.o.'d in round 2, and i'm glad i didn't waste $50 on PPV, or $10 on some random bar.

good job, manny p. sure as hell put mayweather senior and his brit boy hatton in the right place. the other camp can eat their own words now. okay, this is crazy but growing up in a sports-afficionado environment, i can say that i have never seen such a winner in manny pacquiao until tonight. yeah, i've already told people about my prediction, that i'm not so afraid of pacquiao's fight with hatton - but the pacman shamelessly put an exclamation point to that remark! jeez, that man is all power and pinoy pride.

vitamin water, anyone?

third time's a charm

2009-05-01T14:53:00.002+08:00

i think i was able to write a song in the subway today.

third time to amoeba today, purchased the following:
1. a book about MTV unplugged. original price: $50. got it for $3.99
2. nirvana unplugged in new york. collector's edition.
3. about a son - a video documentary about kurt cobain, accompanied by his own interview tapes and musical score by ben gibbard and some other fellow.

plus i got a bag for free because the girl in the counter appreciated my kurt cobain fanboyism. hurray.

last stretch here in LA. love/hate it.

mona lisa's and mad hatters:

2009-04-28T16:36:00.002+08:00

it's been a month now, and i do miss manila. at this point in time, LA is not the right place to nurse a heart like mine. maybe next year.

one week left.

if you feel like the song sounds familiar, well, you got that right - it's the song that played when penny lane got caught probing around the bar while stillwater was happily basking on the glory of their rolling stone triumph. it's an elton john orinigal, but this cover is just so amazing.

hollywood will do you no good

2009-04-23T13:30:00.006+08:00

today, i took the train and subway to to hollywood & vine for another day in amoeba music and an exclusive screening of paper heart. the amoeba trip proved to be a fruitful one: i was finally able to purchase a copy of mgmt's oracular spectacular on vinyl (it's a keeper, what a classic. it's so good that i wanna write one entry about this record.), and the beatles' 1962-1966 (which i got for $9.99!), and a copy of almost famous for $5.

forgive the photo, there are no posters available online but as soon as it pops out i'll change this haha.

paper heart is about charlyne yi; a comedienne and musician who was in search for the meaning of love, and in turn, got herself a treat: michael cera. somehow i felt like some of the snippets of couples were irrelevant; i mean if they wanted to portray how the charlyne fell in love, i think it would have been a better idea to juxtapose her growing relationship with michael cera with how these things also happened to the people they surveyed.

the thing i love the most about the movie is how it shows that reality tv sucks if it's just reality without a twist of showbiz cruelty. what can i say? the ending let me down.

but i believe that the movie was good all in all. i love the chemistry between michael cera and charlyne yi. they make a great couple on screen. michael cera's always been a promising heart-on-sleeve boy-next-door, while charlyne yi's quirks weren't pretentious and rubbish. i think that's the most important factor of the film; that the actors they got, including the director, were only acting nothing but themselves, and in the process, able to portray the notions of love from different generations and niches.

i recommend people watch this! it's gonna be out on august, i think.

the saddest girl to hold a martini

2009-04-22T17:38:00.005+08:00

it's been years since i first saw this movie (vanilla sky), and it still scares the shit out of me. it freaks me out to know how powerful the mind is. psychological horrors are so fucked up that they leave me feeling so alone after watching them. case in point aside from vanilla sky: requiem for a dream. man, that movie was so hauntingly beautiful.

the weakest part of the film was dave's bar scene with the tech support guy. i mean... that's the part they demonstrate how dave is godlike in the lucid dream. it only goes to show, then, that dave's psychological make-up is not as cool as you think he is. he is made of cookie crumbs from within, along with a hodgepodge of strangely-knit desires. which brings me to...

how could this film be more catholic and freudian? these two theories are brought about through dave's projection of his significant other. i'm guessing that dave isn't satisfied in bed with sofia, that's why his mind plays the game and turns sofia into julie, who i suppose, is a better fuck. that, my friends, is freudian. at the same time, the i'm-sticking-with-julie-in-bed plan is a win-win situation because it appeases dave's guilt from treating julie harshly from his real life (this was actually discussed in the movie). now, don't these concepts of atonement and guilt remind you of elementary school catholic teachings?

filing for bankruptcy but in a good way: amoeba music day

2009-04-19T13:54:00.003+08:00

for my trip to LA this summer, i decided to finally start my own vinyl collection, after many moments of deliberation and probing around the net for a cheap entry-level turntable. the acquisition of my black sony record player (tentatively named tyler) certainly opened new avenues to my passion of listening. just listening. mark my words: give it five years, and vinyl will be back in style. it's just so much better than digital music. i have nothing against digitized music, but the feeling of listening to an LP is just so... so real, compared to mp3's and cd's.

as my hunt for vinyl began this week, my mom decided to take me to amoeba music - an independently-owned record store that caters to ALL music-lovers. when i say everyone, i mean everyone...

i mean everyone.
(that's not even half of the whole place!)

amoeba records is such a lovely place. i do believe that it's the bottom of the music chain, in a good way - it's the end of the conveyor belt where the best and worst, the cheap thrills and the hard-hitters belong. going there was such an amazing experience - it was vinyl record store day, which they celebrated by inviting a silkscreen shirt designer to design shirts for free. time was ticking and i didn't even notice. i could've lived there. i could've stayed there my whole life, i swear.

these are the records i bought from amoeba records. this excludes, of course, my previous buys, such as radiohead's "the bends," carly simon's greatest hits, jesus christ superstar, and a carpenters christmas collection.

movies i bought. also from amoeba music.

which reminds me, i saw a bunch of movies this week: marley & me, bedtime stories, sleepless in seattle (again), 17 again, hannah montana: the movie, knowing, and spider-man 2. the list will go on as these new acquisitions will add to my movie fix here in LA.

and my new instruments yay!

jazz & explosions

2009-04-16T01:57:00.003+08:00

i don't know.

what's up with you?

universal city, ca.

i am the highway

2009-04-16T01:46:00.004+08:00

downtown la - olvera - chinatown, via metro link.

the three days you were dead

2009-04-16T01:40:00.002+08:00

san dimas, ca.

like fireflies under shoes

2009-04-09T06:18:00.004+08:00

i feel like for every word i say

there is a certain disregard from the circus

but know that i'm still on to you

and you're still on to me.

and the laughter makes the paradox go away like fireflies under shoes.

disneyland '09.

the happiest place on earth

2009-04-09T06:13:00.006+08:00

disneyland '09.

hangover hobby kit and tie: the bamboozle left '09 experience

2009-04-06T22:57:00.009+08:00

the free stuff! i should've gotten more. :(

it was just like any other fan-taken youtube video with the audience not singing - but screaming the lyrics of their favorite songs. the merchandise, the beautiful people, the southern california heat, and all that shit. despite the major crowd draws every once in a while, the bamboozle left was a success deep in the hearts of music fans who stormed the verizon wireless ampitheater grounds, including me.

the map, courtesy of the bamboozle left website.

i came there hoping for an awesome show, and i got what i wanted. well... i started off by going around, looking at some merchandise. awesome. i bought a Vagrant shirt for $10, not bad - just to get a hold on one of those plastic bags, just in case you know, the "push & shove" happens. more on that later. i met up with a friend and his friend right after. we hung out near one of the minor stages - god i feel so guilty just saying it out loud. but it couldn't have been avoided, surely there were going to be some acts that were fit for the more intimate stages.

merch, merch.

sadly, while we were hanging out at around 4:30pm... taking back sunday had a signing session in their macbeth tour bus, right under our fucking noses. by the time we found out and hurried to the line, the security lady said, no more autographs. i felt so bad. but i was still confident that we would have a good night. strolling, going back to the main stages (wonka & imagination), i saw one of the stalls with a jar on their table. it wasn't like any ordinary jar... it said there, "EVERY $1 KILLS AN EMO KID. KILL 'EM ALL!" it was so funny and sad. i felt like if anybody dropped a dollar in there, my heart would stop beating right at the moment. haha!

from the saosin official website.

SAOSIN. fucking a! it was my VERY FIRST time to experience a "push & shove." my friends and i went as near to the stage as possible one band before saosin. the vandals (awesome, they sang Oi To The World! :D) was playing in the other stage, so we were camping right on time. but as soon as the vandals ended and saosin grabbed their gear, EVERYONE gave a huge push from the back! i saw throwing elbows and sweat and blood, and i myself had my own share of tiny pockets of suffocation. they played a new song first, and then Voices. it was great. some people were body surfing too, and that was also my first time to see that kind of stuff. me and my damaged lungs were still there to survive the show - regardless of how high the sun was yesterday in irvine. they played a bunch of news and olds, but more on their new stuff. honestly, i was quite disappointed with saosin's set. their stage mixing was off. cove was pretty cool, i didn't know he had dreadlocks.

from the used official website.

THE USED. ah, here's the dark horse. remember the time when we were all singing our hearts out with songs from their self-titled album? that was around junior year in high school. and then the used broke our hearts, coming out with an album with really silly songs, which somehow we felt like bert mccracken wasn't so comfortable with. this time around, i was really hoping to see how the used has been with their music. i mean of course, i was pretty sure they were working on some new stuff. but for bamboozle, they played a medley of All That I've Got, Taste of Ink, Buried Myself Alive, and then some. that was an awesome medley of their oldies (except for All That I've Got). their last song was Box Of Sharp Objects. how could they fucking go wrong with that?! solid, solid set. i must say, i had fun, and they proved me wrong. the used will always be the used. we all know how it'll never be the same again, but what lives in my heart is who the used was, once in our lives.

THRICE played right after. they were awesome but too bad i didn't know much of their songs.

from taking back sunday official website.

TAKING BACK SUNDAY! now this is a band i love, love, love. at this point in time, the girls all started to come out and play. there was this one girl... more on that later. honestly i didn't feel so bad about that because the crowd became less hostile, at least from where i was. my friend said that there were people fighting in the front. ANYWAY. tbs, tbs, tbs. before watching the show, i wasn't expecting so much from their new guitarist. as we all know, fred mascherino has departed from tbs to start his solo career with The Color Fred. i think taking back sunday isn't taking it so well - they were even selling shirts saying, "I USED TO BE FROM TAKING BACK SUNDAY," or something to that effect. the new guy, matt fazzi, was very impressive. his chemistry with the band is tight. -- on with the show. they started out with You Know How I Do. i did not think they would do that. i mean, it was an old song. but it was a perfect fit, i loved it. they played for 50 minutes i think - their set included classics like You're So Last Summer, Cute Without the E, What's It Feel Like To Be A Ghost, Liar, A Decade Under the Influence (where adam sang the line "if you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it" hahahaha), and AWESOME new songs from their upcoming album, New Again. their set was coming to an end as i shouted from the back of the crowd, "MAKE DAMN SUUUURE!" some people agreed by screaming "YEAH!" they were down to their last song. i would've been disappointed if they didn't play make.damn.sure... BUT THEY DID!!! :D i was so happy HAHAHA. grabe. i was so contented with their set, and i was so happy. taking back sunday, i love you!

from deftones official website.

DEFTONES. i was very tired from the TBS show, but as the imagination stage was ready for some legendary shit, i was walking towards the deftones direction. exactly when i settled for a decent, breahte-able spot, deftones played My Own Summer. fucking chino moreno is god. his growls were solid and haunting, almost spiritually captivating. their stage presence was off the hook. they had their own lights department to really set the tone. they played most of their old songs (i was thinking, maybe they didn't have much new material since the chi cheng incident). i love the part where chino moreno shouted "this is for my brother, my best friend," and started chanting "CHI CHENG!" fuck man that was holy! they played Digital Bath, Elite (FUCKING WILD!), Change In The House of Flies, and many more, i'm just too tired to remember. i noticed, they didn't play Minerva or any of their new stuff from Saturday Night Wrist, correct me if i'm wrong. for the record, i will say this and you can quote me here- DEFTONES ATE ALL OF THE OTHER BANDS ALIVE. tangina they were so intense. i couldn't describe it, i just couldn't. i can't say much about deftones because it was a felt experience that's so hard to write about. HAY basta. fucking ACE.

50 CENT... :|

anyway! i know that a show is good when it inspires me, and the bamboozle left surely made it to my heart. everything was worth it - from the candy-throwing to the girl in glasses to the emo-killing and all that stuff. the bamboozle left experience is something that i'd cherish for life. i loved it!

to leave without saying why:

2009-04-01T21:24:00.005+08:00

mike and i met at the airport last sunday. luckily, we were on the same flight. we drank some beer in the smoking area and headed to the plane - which was a huge disadvantage. i always, always get the second round for plane food. i didn't this time, because my stomach was filled with beer air and stuff. besides, i think i ate too much mcdonalds before going to the airport.

the plane trip was fun. i was seated in the same row with mike and his family, but we were opposite each other. i was beside strangers who were good enough to give me some in-flight booze. we hollered at mike so we could all finish the damned booze - the brandy was a killer. the white wine got me tipsy, which knocked me out for a good nap. i also watched almost famous in my ipod. that movie is amazing.

as soon as i got to LA, i made sure i mapped my friends out, care of googlemaps. then, when i woke up, we went to the immigration lawyer - but before that, burger king. can you believe how depressing the double stacker was? i was so disappointed. but eh, not going back there anytime soon.

this is downtown LA. god i missed this place.

then, we ate at some korean place in downtown LA. it wasn't that bad, it's just that i was very sleepy when we were there...

this is practically my life in here. my only problem with living here for a month is boredom. i mean, i have nothing to do in here. in the mean time, while trying to find something to exercise my brain muscles (thinking of freelancing, whut)... the redbox is my bestfriend.

nick & norah's infinite playlist was an instant favorite. i've seen it four times in a row now. it pleasures me to know that movies like this are still being made. i love everything about it. definitely a must-watch for our generation.

slumdog millionaire was okay i guess. too much hype for me, but i must say that the movie was good. it's just that, the ending was too loose. oh well.

here's something i acquired from ebay. arm in arm by remy charlip is an awesome children's book. i learned about it in LIT13. my professor said that it's a rare find - they didn't have copies of it anywhere she went. i'm glad to have my hands on to something like this. it's like lucy in the sky with diamonds for kids.

on sunday, i'll be heading to irvine to watch deftones, taking back sunday, saosin, thrice, the used, and so much more bands. oh yeah!

narrow stairs

2009-03-28T08:04:00.003+08:00

it's right about time for an update; today is a tiny crease in my hectic and speedy schedule. tomorrow i'm leaving for LA.

i haven't had time to take pictures or read books. it's been all about either playing music or studying. i have a lot of fun, though. have i been growing? definitely. i just don't enjoy being around people who are judgmental because they see the world so hatefully. all i want is to have fun, also, in the expense of no one but myself.

i haven't been sober for more than 48 hours this week. alcohol, i'd have to say, is a very wonderful social lubricant.

i haven't been able to watch movies, dammit. which reminds me - which movies should i upload to my ipod for the trip? hmm, hmm.

but i watched almost famous the other day pala. man it was so awesome! if kuwago or surgery or any of my other bands become famous, I WANT A PENNY LANE :( haha.

so, LA tomorrow. this, by so far, will the longest time i've been away from my house.

this is my boarding pass to nowhere

2009-03-16T01:50:00.005+08:00

read my lips when they tell you they want to touch yours, above and below. you frustrate me in so many ways, you set yourself apart so well by getting near me and telling me about yourself. there are no secrets involved but the distance between you and me feels like a close-casket romance that is shared only by the dead, a river of corpses floating in the middle of the atlantic, we're transatlantic that way. let's get straight to the point and burn those dead bodies until they feel alive, let's go straight to business, away from euphemism, away from the mania and away from manila. you're all that i've ever hated which makes me want to chase you, which makes you a butterfly. i hate you the same way i like skating against cars. the chase is useless but it's worth the sweat because you know you're fighting for the primal, most basic instincts of human nature. you fight for sense. so be sensual and sense me now.

dreaming californication

2009-03-04T11:17:00.002+08:00

from hardcore to softcore then hardcore again,
the Manila heat peeping in my window pane
lady luck and kurt cobain
video tapes and falling asleep, it all happened here
then saying "I love you."

i'm so tired --

2009-03-03T22:54:00.004+08:00

but it's better to burn out
than to fade away.
-kurt cobain

oh -- stop.

2009-03-03T10:59:00.002+08:00

with your feet on the air and your head on the ground
try this trick and spin it, yeah
your head will collapse
and there's nothing in it
and you'll ask yourself
where is my mind?
-the pixies

quid pro quo: for ALA

2009-02-26T18:00:00.003+08:00

you are second hand smoke. you are so fragile and thin. standing trial for your sins. holding onto yourself the best you can. you are the smell before rain.

i was taking a backwards journey to some old (not really, high school?) sounds this afternoon and i encountered brand new's album, deja entendu, which for me is their best. (quite incidentally this song reminded me of you. hahaha.)

the baffled king, composing hallelujah

2009-02-23T20:06:00.008+08:00

it's been a while since i last opened that box.
your demons send their regards, by the way.

god loves his children

2009-02-22T20:59:00.005+08:00

pride and joy is the theme of my february

if you've been reading me, you might have noticed that lately i haven't been posting photos of my own. well... tonight i had a good chance to take a photo and ironically it captures just how busy i am, and the reason why i haven't been able to photograph.

DATES TO REMEMBER:
Wednesday (25 February) @ 10PM, Surgery in Mag:Net Katipunan
Friday (27 February), Kuwago @ SaGuijo + Kuwago @ Mag:Net Katipunan (Mary Moon)
Saturday (28 February) @ 7PM, Tala-Arawan, AMP Recital featuring AMP bands and soloists in Irwin Lee Theater

guys, maraming dates 'yan. i'll be happy if you go to just one of them, but the more, the merrier. please support! i've been working very hard for all of these gigs so please support me and my bandmates. if there's one thing i know about myself, i have an ass that can work it all day and all night for the music. so please support!

the boston drama

2009-02-22T14:46:00.003+08:00

john mayer, one of my guitar heroes, is berklee alumnus.

i have two chances to audition for a scholarship: kjwan's guitarist, jorel, is working his way into bringing the WST (world scholarship tour) here in the philippines, OR, the WST is visiting fullerton CA (28 mins away from san dimas) in april, and my parents want me to be there for summer. i'm really freaking scared. i'll cry if i pass because i'm finally going to miss manila. i'll cry if i fail because berklee has been my dream since high school.

gaaaaah. for one i'm really happy and thankful for the opportunities. but i'm actually more scared than happy. i've NEVER had formal training. NEVER had to audition for an academic scholarship. NEVER been to a music school. well. there's a first time for everything...

fly on, little wing

2009-02-22T00:12:00.001+08:00

hesitations, confusion, reflections, illusions.
frustrations.
fly on.

now, back to the selfless act that is songwriting.

bittersweet symphony

2009-02-21T17:53:00.002+08:00

now you get your ass on the bed, and prepare for the fuck of your lifetime because after what you put me through, i deserve it.

cruel intentions - before gossip girl, there was cruel intentions. i love the way sebastian's character shifted from mature to naive when he was in love. kathryn the queen bitch stunningly hot. one of the landmark films i grew up with, and it's amazing to know that mick jagger wrote the song "bittersweet symphony" pala. nice. the soundtrack was very fitting, too. it made the upper-east side more sophisticated with a brit-rock twist. but honestly i thought the dialogue could've been written better. i don't know. i mean, after seeing closer (which had excellent dialogue), maybe i expected much from cruel intentions. but eh, gotta understand that these characters were kids compared to the ones in closer.

p.s. that quote was lifted from one of the deleted scenes.

the universe is not playing fair

2009-02-18T19:05:00.004+08:00

i just want a fight.

give me fuel.
give me fire.
give me that which i desire.
-metallica, fuel

"go ahead... make my millennium."

beetlejuice - i wasn't so fond of everything in it but i'm pretty sure it broke a lot of cinematic ground rules from way back. imagine, it was screened at '88, the year i was born! beetlejuice must've been cool. i understand why. the horror was just right and its balance with the film's sentimental side. and of course the part where this film tries to break away from mainstream cinema was quite a success. but honestly, i thought the script could've been improved. still, props to tim burton. and danny eflman for the fucking good music.

my favorite sequence. it was so cheesy that it was funny.

"lydia, being dead doesn't make things any easier."
(p.s. i loved winona ryder. i have a crush on her character. <3)

like fugitives

2009-02-17T22:56:00.002+08:00

why do you run like a fugitive
when you got reasons to live
and everything you need
opposite the godspeed

if you can't find it
then don't hide
if you can't smile
you're not on trial
if you can't be
just breathe, for me
if you can't run away
it's a reason to stay.

why do i keep chasing your ghost
when i can't even float
and everything i need
is right in front of me

(i need a new amp...) listen here.

i didn't say goodbye

2009-02-16T22:43:00.010+08:00

it wasn't so hard to cross the street after all. it all depends on who's waiting for you on the other side.

my blueberry nights - it wasn't as trashy as some people said it would be. wong kar wai's usual suspects were there - the spaghetti western whip, the cafe with a story to tell, the story-hopping, and of course, the wonderful coloring work. all of those elements remind me of chungking express, which was topnotch. the script was also appropriate. norah jones wasn't exceptional though. i mean she can act, but it wasn't anything special. at first i thought natalie portman didn't fit her part but i guess i can blame my pre-conceived notions due to her other films for that. i really liked this movie. maybe i liked it a lot because of the story's relevance.

rock on, grandma. rock on.

i watched the lit major seniors' thesis defense today and i loved this one that my friend rainey reported on - about how secondary schools should pursue the teaching of catcher in the rye. +1 for you, rainey. you're no phony.

one song glory

2009-02-16T01:51:00.002+08:00

when lady death crowns the dawn
we are one and all
and nothing at all
as an angel, will you crawl?

can you make it on your own?
cuz im running out of answers
i know it's hard to be alone
so can you make it on your own?

download it here.

sunday bloody sunday

2009-02-15T14:09:00.003+08:00

"We are all ordinary people. But even an ordinary secretary, or a housewife, or a teenager can within their own small ways turn on a small light in a dark room."

freedom writers: so, here's the deal. i hate hilary swank. i was especially annoyed with her in the first few minutes, but this movie sheds some new light on her - for me. if you enjoyed dead poets society, you'll appreciate the realness of the classroom setting in freedom writers. this one's like a more modern version that talks about racial slur, gang violence, etc., and how a teacher deals with that kinda stuff. it fascinates me that movies set in school always have to stir some insurgence. rebellion. change... revolution. it makes me want to teach all the more actually. haha.

so yeah,

2009-02-15T05:54:00.001+08:00

this weekend just really fucked up.
time to kick back and watch movies.

this, my friends, is sasha grey. she's my age, and maybe yours too if you're an 88 baby. she enjoys philosophy - she

"has expressed a strong interest in existentialism while posing the question "how many 18 year-old porn stars are existentialist?"She cites either Jean-Luc Godard and David Bowie as the biggest influences on her life and career."

totally forgot to mention - she's a freaking pornstar.

it fascinates me what these people do after they take videos of themselves having sex in front of people. sometimes it's not even just sex. going by what margo stilley said - that "making films was (sic) like getting a tattoo," what more for pornstars?

"plenty of people are onto the emptiness, but it takes lots of real guts to see hopelessness."

revolutionary road - probably the most epic drama i've seen in the longest time. the script was great, cinematography was just right, tama lang 'yung timpla ng colors, and most of all, i'd have to say, the best movie of kate winslet after titanic. i fell in love with her here more than in eternal sunshine. whut. blasphemy but it's true.

i think the reason why i love this movie is because it kinda reminded me of a more two-sided mrs. dalloway. the crazy guy was like septimus smith. the brokenness of kate winslet's character resembled clarissa dalloway's share of grief from a failed marriage. and the whole 1920's setting was just so similar.

i have a date with natalie portman

2009-02-14T16:10:00.007+08:00

movie night: darjeeling limited, closer, the other boleyn girl.

darjeeling limited - god i love this movie. the cinematography was ace, as well as the story. the story was just so fucking amazing. my favorite part was,

ex girlfriend: "whatever happens in the end, i don't wanna lose you as my friend."
jack: "i promise, i will never be your friend. no matter what. ever."
ex girlfriend: "if we fuck, i'm gonna feel like shit tomorrow."
jack: "that's okay with me."
ex girlfriend: "i love you. i never hurt you on purpose."
jack: "i don't care."
he would not go to italy.

"i love you. i love everything about you that hurts."
"lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off - but it's better if you do."
"how could one man be so endlessly disappointing?" "that's my charm."

closer - i love natalie portman's stripper scene, angas nung dialogue!

bring the noise like a robot monster

2009-02-12T21:38:00.001+08:00

this is live radio loud and clear,
bring your demos over here
-sandwich, gripstandthrow

sometimes you gotta have faith in people

2009-02-12T15:46:00.009+08:00

9songs

i'll be honest, the movie wasn't the best - as a movie. but it's something i can't say no to for some personal (and private, maybe) reasons. i like what margo stilley said in her interview: "doing a movie is like getting a tattoo." loved their relationship, hated the fact that the concert parts were mostly inaudible. i couldn't make anything out of the weird sound design. sayang because the music was supposed to come hand in hand with the whole story.

any given sunday

i really think cameron diaz wasn't meant to play the role of the GM. BUT. al pacino won it. his speech in this movie (before their playoff game) was one of the best. grabe. love this movie!!!also, props to aaron eckhart. man, that guy can act. loved football, of course, and sports, and al pacino once again. hated... cameron diaz.

hell ride

i'm only halfway through the movie but i can tell that quentin tarantino's had his name in the credits in way better movies. but ey, when i saw cassandra hepburn (full-body nude), i knew right away that she was filipina. true enough, read here! haha. to summarize the movie in three words, i quote the code of bikers: bikes, booze, and booty. loved the pulp fiction-esque use of the "box," and the fact that anybody could've died in any point in time because they were just fucking around with each other. hated the turns of the plot.

introducing top 3:

2009-02-11T22:48:00.002+08:00

angelina jolie.
after watching Wanted. enough said.

i'm on a boat, muthafuckah!

2009-02-10T22:16:00.000+08:00

he, the anchor

2009-02-09T22:45:00.004+08:00

tonight we sleep

this shall be the last of my chain posts for tonight. my chronic headaches have again, been recurring... which tells me to wear my glasses... agk.

fate fell short THAT time

2009-02-09T18:15:00.004+08:00

now that, is some good shit.

when i say shotgun, you say wedding

2009-02-09T17:57:00.001+08:00

cast the first stone. and the last.

2009-02-08T14:46:00.003+08:00

i want to play slapbet with the fates.

FUCK YOU, KARMA!

2009-02-08T03:10:00.003+08:00

YOU WANT SOME?
THEN COME FUCKING GET SOME!!!!

i have nothing left to lose, because i don't believe in anyone's shit anymore. especially yours.

i believe in karma

2009-02-05T22:04:00.003+08:00

you know, that hot chick that fucks you over until you bleed black and your nuts go nuts and suffocate you, you know, mortician style.

best part about it - when she makes you come like angels resuscitating your featherweight lungs.

and then she fucks you over again.

if you feel like you've seen this girl before... *y'knowhutamean.* hahahaha

let's go to the movies

2009-02-05T09:50:00.005+08:00

there are few things as fetching as a bruised ego on a beautiful angel.
-stuntman mike, deathproof

movies i'm looking for:
1. almost famous - because of that scene where they're all in the bus and singing tiny dancer. classic!
2. the devil's advocate - "vanity. my favorite sin." well said, al pacino!
3. the doors - i just want to see how val kilmer fared with his role as jim morrisson
4. american history x - never in his career has edward norton disappointed. i wanna see how this one went.
5. a history of violence - heard a lot about it before from a, right about time for me to check it out.
6. dangerous liaisons - some people told me way back that this was the "cruel intentions" of their time. i love cruel intentions.
7. vanilla sky - i lost my freaking copy. :( but i love that movie. abre los ojos was cool, but vanilla sky had the "new york-esque" edge to it.
8. breakfast club - now, i used to have a vcd of this movie but i don't know where it is. i want a dvd. haha.

i'll see you in another life, when we're both cats.
-vanilla sky (photo from abre los ojos)

movies i'm watching out for:
1. the watchmen - alan moore hated the movie, but hey, it's not like he wasn't disgusted with v for vendetta. too disgusted that he wanted his name out of the credits. that man is an evil genius and i bet that the watchmen, despite the impending doom on alan moore's name, will deliver. zack snyder, showtime. (read the graphic novel. i saw why it's really hard to make an adaptation - complex tropes, as the new critics would call it. the devices in the movie are so out of this world. one more time - alan moore, evil genius.)
2. fanboys - finally something for star wars fans. and i heard the girl is going to wear the princess leia suit!!! gaaaaaame! anyway it's about a bunch of SW freaks trying to steal a copy of the phantom menace before it went out in the wild. should be fun.
3. coraline - neil gaiman. enough said. stardust disappointed but this one has low risk because it deals with animation and a whole different world. stardust was really hard to give justice because of its epic context.
4. the soloist - i saw the trailer in AMC while waiting for benjamin button and i must say, jamie foxx is a jewel. it's about an autistic musician who bumps into a journalist. they become friends and stuff. awesome. oh, i forgot to mention - robert downey jr. plays the journalist.

life has a mind of its own
the soloist

calling out for a movie night to everyone! i recently acquired Persepolis. i've browsed through the comic and man, i can't wait to see the movie.

just let me breathe life

2009-02-04T20:36:00.007+08:00

into your tired lungs.
-tonight we sleep, he, the anchor

for you it's just a love song

2009-02-04T19:02:00.004+08:00

but for me, it's now or never.
-parokya ni edgar, how to make a love song

photo by aaron.

little wing by jimi hendrix

2009-02-03T13:49:00.004+08:00

operations of the heart

2009-01-26T00:03:00.007+08:00

one for the road. this is gonna be tough...

must be a devil between us

2009-01-25T01:45:00.003+08:00

or whores like a choir.
go "uh," all night.
-the pixies, hey

even tony montana has to reload his 'little friend'

2009-01-20T21:29:00.007+08:00

i'm taking a break from this for a while. it gets nauseating because i think i've spent too much time on it. but that LA-SF-manila bit was a good run! i hope people had fun with the photos, too. if you haven't seen it, be sure to check out to live and die in L.A. it's amazing how one trip can change the way you live. when i come back i'll be sure to have another round of bullets ready for the fight.

so, what now? angels? zombies?... man, this is gonna be fun. it's like my GPS re-routing to a new adventure!

peace, love, empathy
photopistol

finally! (50th post)

2009-01-19T23:53:00.005+08:00

to live and die in L.A.
photography by marvin sayson
multiply
deviantArt

some of the photos are from S.F. but eh.

"i love cali like i love women" -tupac

shit...the record was supposed to be about how california can change you for the worse.....it played a huge part in doing the opposite!
-nate ruess (the format), about "dog problems"

wonder

2009-01-19T01:10:00.002+08:00

san francisco, i miss you.

god must forgive a holden caulfield like me who's lost in the beauty of the unfamiliar. it's like i can't wait to see you but at the same time i'm so scared knowing how much of a bohemian sunrise you are, and i'm a zombie who hasn't been around for breakfast in a while.

your theft will be authentic.

2009-01-18T13:41:00.002+08:00

"It's not where you take things from.
It's where you take them to."

click on the image.

should've been a son

2009-01-17T17:55:00.002+08:00

frances bean cobain,
the daughter of kurt and courtney.

the one that should've been a son.

I have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy and a daughter who reminds me too much of what i used to be, full of love and joy, kissing every person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point to where I can barely function. I can't stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable, self-destructive, death rocker that I've become.
-Cobain's suicide note

minus the bear - when we escape

2009-01-17T13:41:00.002+08:00

lights and sounds

(you must be an illusion/
can i see through you?)

saving daylight

2009-01-13T23:16:00.002+08:00

i'm excited to write surgery's next songs. you know how "long gone before daylight" by the cardigans was a definitive turn for their career? i sort of want it to sound that way. subtle but epic in its glowing beauty.

and if anyone can guess where you find these kinds of coffee makers... that would be really cool. haha.

ekaterina ivanova is the new lolita (nsfw)

2009-01-11T21:28:00.002+08:00

haha, i'm using one of our school computers and i noticed... damn right this is nsfw.

mimesis

2009-01-11T20:42:00.002+08:00

i hate the fact that i had to stop what i was doing for a bit, just to punish myself. everything could've been frozen in time and i could've died just staring at that tragic reply. i thought that could've been the worst mistake of 2009 -

but it's nice to have friends knock sense into you.

what happens in hollywood stays in hollywood:

2009-01-07T20:00:00.002+08:00

elmo and mr. incredible making friends with the scream guy as it rains and they look for shelter in hollywood.

which is really weird, because i have a tickle-me-elmo, and a mr. incredible stuff toy. and they do sleep together.

about a girl

2009-01-07T18:33:00.007+08:00

i usually don't write stories in this blog because i'm taking my time off words (they seem to play favorites), but yesterday something bad really happened to a friend and today ended up to be a day of enlightenment, so i feel obliged to write about it. hope nobody minds.

i heard a story from a friend, about losing stories.

she shared to me about a girl whose memories were triggered by either coffee or tea, or conversations with strangers. it was nostalgic. her stories were about the renaissance of a broken heart. i told her, i would do anything to help her get her stories back.

because i felt like a part of her just died. it's like giving birth to a child. then you close your eyes. and then when you look back, your baby is gone. pilfered.

movie wisdom: "the night is darkest just before the dawn." -batman: dark knight

you'll get it back. you remind me of an old friend, actually. people like you will always have your way around tragedy. but three years is three years, and no matter how many heartbreaks, i'll always be three exits ahead of you. that's why i'm writing this.

with my utmost empathy.

you'll get it back. not because i find you interesting, but because you owe a speck of your beauty to the universe.

nothing but love

2009-01-07T07:20:00.002+08:00

can last forever.
-mr. big, nothing but love

closer to infinity

2009-01-07T06:54:00.001+08:00

we always build things bigger than us, hoping they take us closer to infinity.

i want to know my fate

2009-01-06T06:34:00.003+08:00

if i keep up this way
-death cab for cutie, bixby canyon bridge

it's so easy to leave masochist manila behind to be with my loved ones. i can do it in a snap. maybe i should.

happy birthday, papa. i miss you.

everybody's talking

2008-12-29T00:23:00.002+08:00

no one's listening
-drip

peace, love, and empathy for 2008

2008-12-25T21:08:00.001+08:00

i used to piss on other people's christmas trees (and sometimes, my own, too!). now, i only piss on toilet bowls.

but with all the happiness and sharing and joy in the air, in behalf of my stateside family, i wish you all a merry christmas.

blessed

2008-12-24T17:42:00.003+08:00

one by one.
all will fall for me.
-up dharma down, blessed

my #1 rule in photography: always stay true to the colors of the city.

all the way to san francisco, as i chased the end of your road

2008-12-23T19:47:00.004+08:00

i want to know my fate,
if i'll keep up this way
it's hard to want to stay awake

when everyone you need
they all seem to be asleep
you wonder if you've missed a dream

you can't see a dream.
-death cab for cutie, bixby canyon bridge

[in the silence, it became so very clear that you have long ago disappeared. i cursed myself for being surprised - that this didn't play like it did in my mind.]

chasing down a never-ending make-believe:

2008-12-21T21:13:00.001+08:00

come back in a heartbeat.

it's christmas party night, who's taking you home?

2008-12-20T01:14:00.002+08:00

bloodsport

2008-12-19T22:32:00.004+08:00

contacts only

we'll get there by moonlight

2008-12-14T13:20:00.003+08:00

thank you, mary moon. :)

more here (contacts only).

i must say, i haven't had THIS much fun in a looong, long time. being depressed sucks donkey balls but ey, i had a LOT of fun last night. thanks, mary moon!

cool kids never have the time

2008-12-11T19:57:00.004+08:00

i can't say i didn't miss you there because i really did.

are you in?

2008-12-11T01:09:00.001+08:00

"disney memorial orgy" (1967)

watch me death defy.

2008-12-09T13:31:00.002+08:00

oh death look at you and how beautiful you are
just staring at me and saying i belong to the sun.

the one worth leaving:

2008-12-08T20:50:00.002+08:00

district sleeps alone tonight (cover) - skirts//&halos